Change.

So, I'll be turning 35 this year. Eeeeek!!! 

Age as such doesn't scare me, as some of the wisest people I know (and therefore admire) are a lot older than me (and a lot wiser....!); but ageing does.
I can't say I feel much older than I did, say, a decade ago, other than really, desperately needing my sleep in a way I haven't before; but as so many other parents, I can see that time passes in my children. They're ever growing, blossoming, learning, developing, and each year seems to disappear just a little bit faster than the previous one.

What scares me most, is the fact that I have actually managed to get to my age, and have four children, without really knowing myself very well. That might sound random and somewhat confused but it just happens to be the truth. Some might call it some sort of 'mid-life' crisis, and maybe it is, but I take it quite seriously. I know not who I am or who I want to be. What I want to work with, or how I'm going to achieve it. Or how to find out. But for 2012, I'm vowing to make some changes in my life, and how I embrace it. I feel silly, selfish and even stupid when I think back on how I've dealt with certain things and certain situations, and on how I've let other people influence my choices, my decisions, rather than trusting myself, being honest with myself, and believing in 'I'.

That image sums up quite well the changes I aspire to make. It says it all really. Life is precious, make the most of every day. Trust yourself, believe in yourself, live, be happy.

I've never liked 'I', but I'm hoping to change that. I'm learning that change is good.

And I just...

...eat and eat and eat. If it was a case of eating lots of fruit, more fiber and other healthy snacks it wouldn't be an issue. Most people would probably agree that an extra pound or two on me would be absolutely fine, but  as I've noticed it all tends to go on my behind and thighs, I will be fighting it!!! But at least this time around I'm aware of my substituting smoking with eating. From now on I'm leaving all the unhealthy stuff for the weekends. And how appropriate is the timing of me saying that on Thursday eve...??? :p Here we come fruit, crispbread and paper-like crackers. Well, from Monday anyway.

From Sweden

Long time no see.

It's been a while since I posted, but as it's a new year I thought I'd have another go at keeping this a little better updated!

Some pictures from my time catching up with family in Sweden in August (I miss you all dearly...! <3):

You're not all captured here, but please know I do love and miss you all, and hope our paths will cross again soon!

So, onto Christmas and NYE. The holidays were lovely. We've just spent lots time at home, chilling with the family, cooking, eating, drinking and playing Mario Kart on the Wii! It did pass far too quickly, as always...

The biggest change in my life over recent is probably that I have stopped smoking. I have been off them for two weeks now, and I do feel great about it. I don't smell, I can breathe again and I sleep better than I ever have before. While I was smoking I really didn't have a problem with only getting five hours sleep and rising at 5.30 in the morning as it meant a cup of coffee and a cigarette. Now, I struggle to get out of bed even after seven hours of really good sleep ha ha! But it does mean that weekend mornings are lovely, snoozey and chilled, and I have no problems falling asleep again - love it!!

I haven't made any NY resolutions as such, but I'm planning on being a healthier, happier and better person. I have a feeling twothousandandtwelve is going to be a good year!!!

"The existence of nearly all life on Earth is fueled by light from the sun. Most autotrophs, such as plants, use the energy of sunlight, combined with carbon dioxide and water, to produce simple sugars—a process known as photosynthesis. These sugars are then used as building blocks and in other synthetic pathways which allow the organism to grow."

 

A Sunday morning at the park

It so happened that Jamie and I had a few hours to ourselves this morning, so we decided to go to the park after breakfast!

I grabbed the camera and Jamie his scooter and sunglasses, and off we went. It was lovely and warm, and we had a great time! 

  

I can see why Jamie loves the climbing frame; at 3 years of age, it must seem a huge adventure!

Jamie loves the park and was all smiles!

Here's a more abstract view of the park...

After an hour or so we went back home (we had to greet Maddie who was on her way home from a sleepover + get ready for a birthday party!), but I had to stop with the camera once again... We have some lavender in the front garden, and it goes without saying that the bumble bees love it.

It's been a lovely Sunday, and we're finishing it off with risotto and a glass of wine/fizzy in the garden!

Norway

Our thoughts are with the Norwegian people tonight, after the two horrendous attacks on Norwegian society earlier today. These are desperate acts from desperate people, and nothing condones what they have done. FULL STOP.

"The living moment is everything."

I have always believed that we're born a blank sheet of paper; that our experiences shape us, determine where we go and what happens to us. Whilst I do still think that's partly true, I believe more and more that certain things happen to certain people for a certain reason.

I have just finished watching a BBC documentary about a teenager called Alex. At 17 years of age, he had the devastating diagnosis of bone cancer. This documentary told the story of how he chose not to let his illness dictate his life, but instead chose to live through it - he decided to fill his life with one positive experience after another, and another, and another... A last minute dream trip with friends to Australia, sky-diving in New Zealand, cliff diving in Cornwall. And marrying the girl of his dreams. He did it all, and much more, in the space of a few years. Despite aggressive chemotherapy treatment and heavy doses of drugs and painkillers,  he remained positive, not wasting a single moment or an ounce of energy, and always with a big smile on his face.

I've heard people say that beating cancer is all about your outlook and attitude. Well, if that was true, Alex would still be alive, happily married and probably looking forward to starting a family. Or going on another once-in-a-lifetime trip. But he's not. He died five days after his wedding to his girlfriend Ali.

Many spend all their time and energy planning for the future, or worrying about trivial things and meaningless decisions. Life, and time, is precious. Live today. And don't take anyone or anything around you for granted. Or, as Gandhi wisely put it: “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”

Summer...?

During the dark and cold of winter, most of us want to fast forward time. We spend months awaiting light, warm, summery sunshine, flowers, butterflies, BBQ and beach visits. Once the phenomenon of summer actually arrives, it's not necessarily as we'd anticipated it would be... At this point in time, we're spending our summer trying to stay warm, and most of all, dry.